Social Anxiety
Signs your social anxiety is making you hypervigilant around other people:
You feel as though everyone is judging you
You re-play conversations in your mind
You constantly fear being ridiculed or embarrassed
You worry that people can see how anxious you are
You hyper-focus on others for signs of disapproval
You imagine people are talking about how awkward or boring you are
Social anxiety can be exhausting to experience because it often means we are trapped in a state of hyper-vigilance, which is the elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats. To experience this daily not only leaves us emotionally drained but has a detrimental effect on our confidence, limiting choices we feel have in our lives.
When we are hypervigilant, we are constantly on-guard, scanning people and situations for danger.
It's like we're in a perpetual state of edginess and alertness.
Hypervigilance is often the result of chronic stress or trauma. People who grew up in chaotic, unpredictable, or unsafe homes are particularly prone to hypervigilance and may have a nervous system that is hyper-sensitive to danger. They may have experienced parents or caregivers who have discouraged decision making, or social events. This means they often see threats that aren't actually there. And social rejection can feel like a real threat to our survival.
Here are a few ways to cope, to make your experience of social anxiety hopefully a little more manageable:
Before a social event try to soothe your nervous system with 'glimmers' - the experiences, interactions, or resources that help you feel safe and settled. Everyone has different glimmers, some examples might include: a favourite tv show, a hug, a warm bath, the sun on your face, time alone, listening to music or a walk-in nature. It's all about showing your nervous system that you are SAFE
If you notice that you are starting to feel anxious in a social situation, remind yourself that it is ok to take time out for breaks. This may involve a trip to the bathroom or a quick walk around the block to clear your head - it's amazing what a big difference it can make to our anxiety levels
Watch out for 'fortune telling' and'catastophising' thought patterns. These are common 'cognitive distortions' in social anxiety and can lead to more fear and panic. Once you have become aware of your thoughts, ask yourself, 'Do I have any evidence that this is true?' Challenge your reality and perception of your threats.
Remember that social gatherings aren't about performance, they are simply about being with eachother - lowering your expectations of what people expect from you can help a little if you feel pressured.
Consider talking therapies, where your triggers can be explored in a safe, confidential and non-judgemental environment