Nervous System Regulation

A few days ago, I asked a close friend of mine what her interpretation of "nervous system regulation." was, and her response was, "It means I need to be relaxed all the time, doesn't it?"

This phrase has become a bit of a buzzword in health and wellness circles, but somewhere along the way, the concept has been misunderstood. It’s worrying that some of us believe we must be feeling completely calm and content, all of the time.

There's a myth that having a healthy nervous system means you should be floating on a cloud of zen 24/7. Not only is this unrealistic, but it's also potentially harmful. The pressure to be calm all the time can actually make things worse, leading to feelings of shame and discouragement when we run into the reality of being human. On social media, it is becoming common to come across phrases, memes and GIFs that encourage this perception, for example, “Start appreciating what you have today, you may not have it tomorrow” or “the calmer you are, the clearer you think. Move with strategy, not with emotions”

It's concerning to think that "nervous system regulation" might be becoming the new toxic positivity —the harmful insistence on maintaining a positive mindset, regardless of how difficult a situation may be.

Life is full of ups and downs. As we go through our days, we'll inevitably experience moments of feeling safe, calm, and regulated, as well as times when we feel triggered, uneasy, and dysregulated. 

When I'm relaxing in the bath with a candle, or enjoying a meal with my best friend, I might feel calm and regulated. On the flip side, situations like being stuck in traffic when I'm running late, feeling tired and burnout, or managing interpersonal situations trigger fight-or-flight mode. And that's perfectly normal. 

Small detours into fight-or-flight should be expected and are totally healthy, as long as you can bounce back to a state of regulation afterward.

This ability to bounce back is what defines a healthy resilient nervous system. Resilience is the goal. But what does a resilient nervous system actually look like?

Suppose you see a road traffic accident on your morning commute. You might experience a little spike in fight-or-flight energy and feel anxious or uneasy. If your nervous system is resilient enough, you will return to a calm and regulated state by the time you arrive at work. However, if your system is inflexible, you might stay in fight-or-flight mode for the rest of the day. Your system might get stuck on high alert, and you could find yourself snapping at your colleagues or panicking about every email that comes through.

Nervous system resilience allows us to navigate life's inevitable stresses and recover swiftly.

Healing your nervous system involves paying mindful attention to the people, places, and experiences that make you feel safe and settled (also known as your 'glimmers') and incorporating them into your daily routine. This allows you to "retrain" your nervous system to be more resilient.